Crazy (noun) 1 Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results 2 Internet dating

Crazy (noun) 1 Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results 2 Internet dating

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Interpret THIS Freud, You German Prick!

I had the weirdest mid afternoon lazy fat ass nap dream today.

It was a great nap, don't get me wrong, but the dream I had was weird and vivid. It was one of those naps where you fall asleep with the window open, a cool breeze blowing in against your exposed feet while you're snuggled under the covers. The kind where a ray of sunshine falls across your arm and you can feel the warmth of its radiation giving you forearm cancer. You stretch out as much as your body will let you and then put one foot high up in the air as you lean in and start licking your balls…oh sorry, that’s what cat’s do. Anyway, the TV was on the History Channel with the volume low and, as is always the case when you fall asleep with the TV on, my dream incorporated things FROM the TV into itself.

I dreamt that my friends had set me up on a blind date with a woman who, as it turned out knew who I was and was super excited to meet me (who wouldn't be?). I, not knowing this girl at all, was scurrilous at the prospect of meeting another potential failure in my quest to find love. Plus, even in my DREAM I knew what kind of assholes my friends could be and was 65 percent sure I was being set up with a monster.

Dream jump to me and this girl (whom I have no recollection of in real life, I only mention this because usually you dream of an acquaintance or person you know) walking at night, down a derelict but wide concrete path in a wooded area. The trees around us seem to be decaying as the concrete crumbles beneath our feet. (The show 'Life after People' was on as I slept by the way) The woman I was with was blonde and wore glasses. She was thin, yet very average looking in her features. I didn't mind at all. She wore glasses and her hair was in a pony tail. She wore a blue coat with a pink scarf that seemed to dance on the wind that swirled around us. I don't know what we talked about, but I know I felt very comfortable with her. She talked of reading my blogs and gushed over how much she enjoyed them. It was a little off putting, but I remember thinking that if I could get past that...this one might work out.

Dream jump to the two of us in a very small hotel room with 60's style decor. An orange Brady Bunch bedspread and wood panel walls. I know it was a hotel room because there was one of those silver steel suitcase stands at the end of the bed. Not only was this an entirely different setting from where I was at before, but my mood had done a complete 360 within the dream as well. Where at first I felt flattery and a calm reserve at what might come, now I felt a desperation that wasn't being returned in the slightest.

The Television was on in the hotel room playing a commercial for some sort of workout equipment that you could order. We were there to fuck and I asked this girl to turn the TV off, to which she replied 'sssssshhhhhh'. She was WAY into this commercial. There was an old black rotary phone on one of the bed stands, and she picked up the receiver to call and buy the item that was on TV. When she put the receiver to her ear the bottom of her shirt lifted slightly revealing the smooth white skin of her hip just above her jeans. I know that's a small detail for a dream, but my god did it turn me on. I don't think women realize it, but sometimes the slightest thing about them can be SUCH a turn on.

I put my hand under her shirt and started rubbing her back. Without looking at me, she placatingly started to kiss me. I FELT the lack of effort in her make out and as we did, her teeth scraped against mine. She didn't even notice it was happening.

I KNEW that I should tell this chick to fuck off, but at the same time I was JUST so elated to be having any type of human contact that I couldn't bring myself to stop this.

Teeth scraping like fingernails on a chalkboard, the TV volume entirely too high whilst playing an infomercial of some kind, and a cute woman who was ENTIRELY disinterested in me.

I woke up and apparently my dog had stepped on the remote for the TV, turning the volume up, which is why that commercial was so deafeningly loud in my dream.

The SADDEST part of this dream is that when I groggily woke up I ACTUALLY uttered 'goddammit' under my breath. Ain't THAT some shit? When I'd rather be trapped in a dream that MOST people would consider a nightmare JUST because I'm kissing a girl, than deal with the reality of loneliness. I'm even pathetic in my fucking dreams!

Then my brain started working overtime to interpret what I'd just been through. What would Freud say?

Freud would probably say that based on the first part of my dream, I have a lot of hope when it comes to meeting a woman and that I'm a hopeless narcissist when it comes to my writing. But based on the second part of my dream he'd probably say that I feel that women don't pay attention to me. I feel that I'm always background noise to something else. I’m also probably feeling my age, hence the 60’s style hotel room (not that I’m from the 60’s, but what do dreams know?) Then he'd say that I want to fuck my mother; I’d agree with him up until the last part, but I don't you German prick.

I don’t know about you, but when I go to bed at night I WANT to have dreams like this. I TRY to have dreams like this; the reason being that these VIVID ass dreams are great EVEN when they’re horrible. It’s almost like being INSIDE of a movie. Fuck bluray, fuck 3d, you’re ACTUALLY there. But for some reason that I’m sure someone who gets paid ENTIRELY too much money has figured out, I only have dreams like that when I take a nap.

So, since I try to live on the verge of reality, just occasionally poking my head in to pay bills and walk my dog, I’m going to make a concerted effort to take more naps so I can, in effect, meet more women. Fuck reality based women anyway.

How would YOU interrupt that dream?


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